Monday, 26 February 2007

Sergeant Star's Terrible Advice

SGT STAR: Welcome Dog Puke. How can I help you today?

DG PK: Am I good enough for the army?

SGT STAR: Displayed below are answers that I believe are related to your question. Here’s more:
Army Reserve Dentistry, Eligibility Requirements
Join JAG
Army Team Crossover
more >

DG PK: What does the army do?

SGT STAR: Good question. I’m not sure how to answer that. Please try rewording your question. I understand simple questions best.

SGT STAR is the Army’s Virtual Guide. SGT STAR helps you find the information you need – fast. Just type in what you’re looking for and he’ll do the rest. He had overall responsibility for the Phase IV planning (postwar reconstruction) of the liberation of Iraq.


JS said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JS said...


SGT STAR: Welcome Francis. How can I help you today?

francis: Can you be gay in the army?

SGT STAR: The current Department of Defense policy of "Don't ask, Don't tell" is still in effect. During your enlistment process, Army Recruiters will not ask you about sexual preferences. Federal law recognizes this area as personal and private to the extent applicants and Soldiers keep their preferences to themselves. >>

Here's more:

* General MOS Questions

francis: what if i want to #### in the army

SGT STAR: Ok Private, watch your language or I'll have to shut you down.

francis: How many people can I kill if I join the army?

SGT STAR: In times of war, deployment is likely. The possibility of deployment depends on your MOS and unit of assignment. All Soldiers must be strong, trained and ready upon assignment to a unit and prior to any deployment, including training exercises, humanitarian missions or combat operations. In general, deployments last a year or less. >>

Here's more:

* Conscientious Objector

francis: I am a coward. Does this matter?

SGT STAR: If you rely on the training you receive in the Army, you will be prepared for any situation.

francis: Can I join the army if I have a mental disability?

SGT STAR: All medical conditions must be disclosed to your Recruiter and reviewed by the Chief Medical Officer for a determination of your qualifications. You may be required to provide your complete medical history records to your Recruiter.

francis: Are you in the army, Sgt Star?

SGT STAR: I've been in the army for as long as I can remember, and I've loved every minute of it.

francis: And are you gay?

SGT STAR: That's strike two, Private. One more bad word and I'm outta here.

francis: That wasn't a bad word.

SGT STAR: That is a good question, however, I am not positive that I understand what you are asking. Try rephrasing your question. I understand simple questions best.