Wednesday, 13 July 2005

From "Office Speak"

By D. W. Martin.

Passive Voice [...] Thus, no one can take the blame for "doing" something, since nothing, gramatically speaking, has been done by anybody [...] Circular Reasoning [...] It's a wonderful way to give a seemingly substantial answer so as to appear in control of the situation [...] Rhetorical Questions [...] there's a split second when you think you have a say in the matter, when you believe your opinion counts [...] Hollow Statements [...] make it seem as though something positive is happening (such as better profits or increased market share), but they lack any proof to support the claim [...] On my first kayak trip down the Amazon River I trapped a chameleon and even named him "Hollow Statementsw" out of deference to the aforementioned technique [...] I Think, I Guess [...] It is always best to leave yourself wiggle room [...] They and Them [...] "They" are faceless and often nameless. And their decisions render those beneath them impotent to change anything. "They" fire people, "they" freeze wages [...] "They" and "them" have more in common with the tooth fairy and "student athletes" than any CEO or chariman of the board. "They" don't exist [...] Obfuscation [...] They hope to obscure the truth and camouflage their own lack of knowledge about the issue at hand [...] They will resort to one of the above techniques to make it seem as though they are addressing your issue, when in reality they are either sidestepping it or giving you the runarond. (Remember those last two phrases -- you'll be using them a lot when complaining to your colleagues).